Owners of children have no doubt experienced the delights of the indoor play area.  For the uninitiated its a locked, padded cell in which you release your children to burn off as much energy as possible.  They may vary in size, equipment and facilities but the padded cell element remains, this way you can sit back in the knowledge your little darlings cannot escape and you can take your well trained eye off them for a few minutes. 

Its hard work keeping your eye on children all of the time.  Try talking to a person behind a desk when your child is running away from you or pay for something as your child happily pulls at the contents of the shelf behind you- its hard work and at times you actually require your eyes to be looking in two totally opposite directions.  This is why parents turn to the solace of the indoor play area- they can bounce off the walls, climb up, climb down, slide and generally run around and you are comforted in the knowledge that they cannot open the door to escape. 

The one thing you will find in the indoor play area is the child who has a little too much steam to blow off.  They bully, push and run around like they own the facility and your child may fall victim to their boisterous ways.  You watch as they push your child off the toy they were happily playing with and you quickly check to see if bully child's parent also witnessed the event- of course they never do!  This leaves you a choice- march over and tell off bully child or usher your child away from the evil one whilst talking loudly about how some children are naughty and we don't play with them, in the vain hope that bully child's parent hears you and rushes over to get their child to apologise?  Bully child's parent never hear you!  So what do you do?  Is it right to tell off another child?  I have never done it yet and am not sure I would.  Should you go to the parent and explain what their child has been up to and that they are reigning terror on others?  I avoid confrontation at all costs so this very idea makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it. 

I have tried to think how I would feel if it was my child in the bully child role.  I would have them apologising left right and centre whilst explaining that their behaviour was very wrong.  But just maybe the reason bully child's parent came here was to have some time when they didn't have to watch their nasty child do nasty things?  Perhaps their time in the padded cell is the only sanity they get?  Either way I just make sure my trained eye is casually on my little darlings so I can check its not my child that others are looking at thinking how awfully behaved they are!

They are perfect angels of course so no need to worry! 
Perhaps ignorance is bliss!

The alarm goes off- ding, ding, bloody ding!!!!

No matter what I change the ring to, no matter that it chimes into life with my favourite song- I don't like alarm clocks!  As a matter of fact I cannot blame the alarm clock, its actually being woken up I dislike no matter what the method.  I rather prefer to wake up under my own steam than to the beeping drone of a forced wake up. 

There is another kind of wake up call in my house and it is the culprit of many of my before schedule wake ups- the children!  Firstly I must say that I have no room to complain on the whole, my children have always slept well and my insistence on a strict bedtime routine has worked its magic.  They go to bed between 7 and 7.30pm every night- apart from Friday film nights for Harry then it will be a late one!   They usually don't scream and shout in the night and peacefully sleep till morning.  What time in the morning is questionable, as I sit writing this at 6am on a Saturday morning- thanks Alfie. 

In my youth (I used to think only old people said that!), I would just be getting out of a nightclub now as they open the doors into the dim morning light and we do the walk of shame in our short skirts and less that straight makeup after 7 hours of dancing!  I would fall into bed, nursing my aching feet from silly shoes and happily doze under the covers till nearly tea time!  My vampire weekend routine was great fun but the idea of going to bed after 10pm now makes me feel grumpy as I know one of my little treasures will be up, bright and breezy and want to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with me.  My hubby and I shy away from watching films and programmes after 9pm as it will be getting late when they finish and hit record to watch them at a sensible hour! 

I suppose it happens to us all.  It's that getting old, growing up, getting responsible thing.  Thinking about it now I don't think I would thank you for taking me to my old nightclub destinations.  They were dark, noisy, smelly and I don't think I ever saw a wine list there once! 
Its official- I grew up into a sensible person!!  I am happy in my dressing gown and a cup of tea at 9pm.  I am happy to have a nice meal with my hubby with a bottle of wine to share in front of a cheesy film.  I will even take watching Mickey Mouse at silly o clock in the morning, but only until I can teach him to switch it on himself and leave me in bed on the weekends- just for an extra hour at least!

You buy a new board game and one of the first things you do is reach for the instructions.  It is pretty essential that you know what you are doing when playing a new game, otherwise there is little point in buying new games.  But what if your family specialised in party games where the whole point is that not everyone knows the rules?  My family have been played these games for as long as I can remember.  The only thing you need for these games is new blood.  If family members bring a new girlfriend or boyfriend to the party then its game on! 

I have seen the look on many a young candidates face when they realise that the game is all about them and their ability to solve the puzzle.  If they discover the hidden rules of the games they are deemed a winner and suitability to date said family member is confirmed.  If they should fail then the humiliation of knowing you are the entertainment can be crippling!  Imagine standing in front of a room full of people you are trying your best to impress whilst they are all laughing at you because you don't know the secret rules- ground swallow me now!

I will explain a little bit about one of these games but its not worth my life's worth to reveal their true secrets- the knowledge must come from humiliation and attention to detail:

Black Magic
We always start these games with people who know the rules showing you just how easy it is.  They leave the room and once gone a secret item is picked in the room.  The leader then calls the person back into the room using special code words and phrases.  The leader then starts to point to different items in the room.  After several wrong items are pointed to the secret one is pointed to and the person who left the room miraculously knows the right answer!  The outsider will not know how it is possible that they get it right every time and will then watch this happen several times until they possibly have a theory on how to work it out.  Is it what they say when they come in?  Is it how many letters in the first word he speaks?  Is it the first letter of the last word?  They leave the room, come back in and get it wrong.  They leave again, get it wrong.  They leave again, get it wrong.  You see the pattern, its hilarious for those in the know. 

Luckily my hubby is a clever guy and faced with these special challenges he shone through discovering the secret rules after a few wrong guesses!  Family mutter under their breath that he is a keeper! 


There are many more games and I have had years of fun knowing full well that every new boyfriend I brought to the party would be subjected to this trial.  I know it is unkind to find entertainment in the suffering of others but yet I never once let them know the rules before we arrived or even gave them a clue of what to expect because where is the fun in that!